Today I stumbled upon this site. I have so many writing projects going on that I forgot about this blog. (I think it’s time to halt those and focus on this) It has been more than a year since I sat down and wrote something here. It’s funny how different the world has become since my last blog here nearly seventeen months ago. 2020 arrived with a calmness that by March seemed to explode everywhere. The Corona Virus, Covid-19 what ever the hell you call it made my last day teaching in a classroom March 13th, a freaking Friday no less. All we were told was be prepared to be home for two weeks and reach out to your students and their families to offer help with assignments. Well two weeks turned in to months and June has come and gone. In June after being highly recommended by a few people I accepted a part-time teaching position as an Adult Literacy Instructor. Basically I am teaching TASC or High School Equivalency classes. They are a wonderful group of people and I am blessed to be their teacher.

Teaching any class online via Zoom I have found to be very challenging. No matter how well I have crafted this class it is not the same as being in person. Our class was only suppose to be on Zoom for two-three weeks and unfortunately here it is mid-August and we are still Zooming. Some of my students have decided that they want to wait until we are in person. I don’t blame them at all. The State Testing Sites for TASC have yet to reopen and I believe that has discouraged my class too. Again I feel the same frustration. Study. Study. Study. Then have no test date in site. It’s nobody’s fault. It just doesn’t make it less discouraging.

It is August 20th today and some districts here in New York are still are making decisions on how to start the 2020-21 school year off. I don’t think there are any right or wrong answers right now. Whatever is decided is the right decision for families. These last few months have been uncharted territory for all of us. It has been a learn as you go, adjust, laugh, scream, cry, calm, whirlwind of emotions, roller coaster whatever you want to call it.

Many people have lost tons of money. Business were closed and several will never open their doors again. Movies slated to be released this year have been pushed back to 2021. 2020 has become the year that wasn’t. Then again it’s a painful wasn’t that is all too real.

It is an election year again and Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running against Joe Biden & Kamala Harris. At the risk of getting political I’m only mentioning the names. I really think most Americans are more worried about their own livelihood than rich politicians. Yes everyone is going through Covid; but I think it’s unfair to say everyone feels it the same way. I refuse to compare myself to others during this time because the reality is I am probably doing better than most and only worse than a few. It doesn’t mean my feelings don’t matter. It just means that my feelings are different from yours. It’s ok.

That brings me to telling you that I have to remind myself that no matter what is happening in this crazy world that it is OK to embrace your feelings. Good. Bad, Ugly, It doesn’t matter. Feel what you need to feel and for god sake don’t punish yourself or believe your guilty because you took time to feel. People are struggling. Hearts are breaking. These days it is more difficult to find the rose among the thorns or hear the wind in the willows. There are still so many things to celebrate. One of my favorite quotes comes from Sylvester Stallone as Rocky Balboa. (Surprise, Surprise)

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!”~ Rocky Balboa ~

When I just read that quote out loud again I smiled a wicked smile. Covid-19 is like the Terminator. It can’t be reasoned with and it just keeps coming for us. Covid-19 is a boxer trying to hit us and keep us down. If your reading this though it means your here and your winning the fight against Covid-19. Sure some of us are going broke. Many will have to find new places to live. It’s a crippling thing that none of us saw coming.

My mother always said don’t cry over spilled milk and don’t count your chickens before they hatch. At 45 years old I think I finally get what she meant. It took Covid-19 to teach me. As I look out my window I hear crickets. I see a beautiful sky and I can’t help being positive as I think it’s still a pretty wonderful world.

It takes just as much energy to be positive as it does to be negative. Take a deep breath. You can’t change what is happening around you; but you can choose to find a rainbow in the storm.

Thank you for reading.

CJ

Just a lady near the lake.

So this week I actually started writing on March 12th. I did so because well quite frankly I had a lot on my mind. One of the things that really butters my biscuits is being wrongfully accused of something. Or better yet paying for the sins of others. I’m a kind person; however if I feel like I’m being attacked or judged unfairly I tend to come out of my corner swinging. Relationships are hard. I don’t care if its between friends, significant others, siblings, parents or your children. Relationships take work to maintain. Sometimes people you try to have positive relationships want no part of it. I’ve learned through a lot of tears that is ok.  Do not be the proverbial punching bag or door mat for anyone. Damn it you are better than that.

The other important thing to remember is that no one has the right to be abusive to you. You also don’t have the right to abuse them either. That means hitting, yelling, giving you the silent treatment. Don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong. Save the apologies for when you really screw up.

Communication is such a key factor in all aspects of life. If something is bothering you sit down and have a talk. Don’t text or go silent. It only festers like a wound and the infection will spread. Before you know it both your heart and mind are filled with a toxic poison.

I’ve seen the best and most kindest people fall into the trap of allowing others to dictate how you feel about yourself. Please do not give anyone that power. You have to be your own #1 cheerleader first. Be confident. Be amazing. Be you. As a teacher it is truly heartbreaking to see so many young people putting so much power into garbage words spoken by their peers. What’s worse is adults still doing it. You are the driver of your life. No one else belongs in that seat; but you. The message here isn’t to rebel or become a jerk. It is a message to empower yourself and believe in the greatness that is you. Never feel guilty celebrating you. Some feel my confidence is arrogance. No. It’s me believing in myself and loving me for me

I truly believe that happiness is a right we all should have and exercise. I hope on this Friday these thoughts resonated with someone. As we approach St. Patrick’s Day weekend please be safe and enjoy the parties.

Smiling,

CJ

Originally I planned this week’s blog to be strictly about my 9 year old Great Dane Pagan and her recovery from Colonic Torsion surgery that she had in February. You know short, sweet, and to the point. Wink. If you know me in real life, you know that when I write it is anything; but short, sweet, and to the point.
As I started to write this though I thought about all the times I’ve been asked the question: How in the world did you end up with your Great Dane Pagan Marie? And so the answer to that question.
Pagan came into my life unexpectedly in 2013. I at the time was owned by my 1st Great Dane Motlow. We also had a 2nd Great Dane Zayn. He was a puppy and was just way more energetic than poor Motlow could handle. At the time Motlow was 8. A senior Dane. This led me to do a public post on Facebook. I cannot remember the exact words but it went something like this seeking to add another; but more energetic Great Dane to our home. Like I’ve said Danes are like potato chips you can never have just one or two. Truth.  A play mate for Zayn that was a bit older; but not a puppy. A buddy for Motlow who took zoomie breaks more often than Zayn. What is a “zoomie” you might ask? Well it basically involves a Great Dane racing and running around your home and yard 60 miles an hour, being crazy, jumping like a Throughbred horse over your couch. Then collapsing and sleeping for awhile. Very important note I must add please do not ask Great Dane owners if they have a saddle to ride that thing. We hate that question so much!
A disclaimer if you decide to own Great Danes or let’s be honest be owned by Great Danes, I would be very careful with the type of coffee table you purchase. I have had two coffee tables  flattened to the ground like a WWE wrestler body slammed in a ring by my Great Danes. Pagan is responsible for 2 out 2. I wised up though and now have a solid round marble coffee table. Does she still jump on it? Very rarely; but it holds her 128lb body securely.
Back to how Pagan Marie came to be with us. I apologize the story is not short. 
 My post wasn’t up for that long when I heard from a man in Cicero New York (Chuck Riggs) who along with his wife (Karyn Garlan Riggs) owned Lakeside Danes. These are amazing people who have bred Great Danes with the utmost care and health examinations. Quality Great Danes. So love them. It was amazing and refreshing to meet Chuck, Karyn and their Great Danes that first time. Beautiful flower gardens and beautiful dogs. 
Chuck had explained to me prior to my visit that he had two older female Great Danes that were looking for homes. The first was Lucy and she was a four year old black Great Dane. Lucy was very sweet and cuddly. The other a Blue Great Dane, 3 years old, was you guessed it, Pagan. 
I described my life style and how my two male Danes behaved.  We decided that Lucy had a personality/energy that almost mirrored Motlows. Sadly she would not be a good fit for my puppy Zayn. 
Pagan on the other hand seemed to fit what our family, especially Zayn needed more. Pagan had a colorful history. What this means is (insert The Dukes of Hazzard theme song) she’s been in trouble with the law since the day she was born. When she was 6 weeks old she nearly severed a tendon in her leg jumping through an unopened sliding glass door to chase a butterfly. Her other claim to fame had been jumping the six foot stockade fence surrounding the Rigg’s home. Unfortunately the neighbors were not as impressed with this feat as Pagan was. She just wanted to be where her mommy and daddy were. The other side of the fence of course!   
Pagan although she’s drop-dead gorgeous; also didn’t fit the breeding criteria for improvement of the Lakeside bloodline. Hence why the Rigg’s wanted her to go to a loving pet home.
You see it was described to us that Pagan had a “boy head, on a bitch body”.  Please don’t take offense at the term bitch.  For those that don’t know the term bitch refers to a female dog.  I will say one of the things my kids first learned about Pagan was that term and after Pagan came home people would talk to them about her and one of the things they would say is “yeah Pagan has a boy head on a bitch body.” People always seemed to have the same mortified expression. My kids thought that this was pretty funny. I didn’t. The other thing they learned pretty quickly was Pagan will swipe bread left unattended in the blink of an eye. She can also hear a sliced cheese wrapper opening in Canada!
Anyway so we decided that Pagan would become part of the family and I made the arrangements with Chuck and Karen to pick her up after I got back from my trip to Las Vegas in August. I purposely booked my flight out of the Syracuse airport so that when I came home I could just leave the airport and go right to Cicero and pick her up. I remember going to get her. She jumped right in the car, my front seat actually, before I politely reminded her that she has to ride in the back. We had a 90-minute drive down the thruway to get home. We definitely bonded on that trip even though I could hear her snoring quite loudly when she fell asleep. I felt so much love for and from her already.
From day one the transition into the family was like she had been with us forever. Played like all raised from pups. I’m a Traumatic Brain Injury survivor and now also two-time stroke survivor. One the things I felt Pagan would be perfect for was to earn her CGC certification. Pagan has gone to Canine Good Citizen training and has helped me on days when my balance has been off. Invaluable.
We lost Motlow in May of 2014 at nine and a half. I’ll never forget coming home from the vet without Motlow that day. My heartbreak quickly turned to an “OMG” moment.  I walked in the house Zayn and Pagan greeted me at the door. There was paint everywhere. They had spilled a gallon-size can of peach latex wall paint.  I’m not sure to this day how the lid came off exactly. Great Danes lack fingers obviously. What  I am sure of is this, they ran through pretty much the entire house with paint on their feet. There were paint paw prints on the kitchen table, the floor in to the livingroom, furniture, up and down the stairs, the kids rooms and of course in my bedroom on my bed. Mourning Motlow and trying to resist the urge to test the theory with Pagan and Zayn did “All Dogs Go To Heaven” as I cleaned up the huge mess was challenging. Not to mention the multiple baths both had to have in order to scrub the paint off their bodies!
A month later my mother passed away. I had to move. It was a difficult summer to say the least. I got through it! Life was getting better. Then we lost Zayn. 
In January of 2015 we lost Zayn at the age of 18 months. Pagan was my sole Great Dane.  Clearly lonely, I decided to adopt a friend for her from Rochester Animal Services. We ended up with Peter Parker Paxton Derby. He is our Pitbull Lab Boxer mix. The two bonded instantly. Pagan towers over Peter. It was funny to watch people’s reaction to the size difference. People just couldn’t help but smile when they walked by us.
In June of 2015 Pagan had her first of two emergency surgeries. I nearly lost her. It was heartbreaking. But she is a beast and one tough cookie. Just like me I suppose. When she came home from that surgery she managed to let herself not only out of the bedroom she was in; but out the front door of the house as well. I had made the mistake of thinking I could trust her while I ran to the store in town. I came home and my front door was wide open. After I frantically ran up and down the street looking for her and was bawling my eyes out, a neighbor came to tell me she was in the backyard sunning herself.  Just a few days post-surgery she had managed to jump the fence into the backyard. Pagan Marie!
Let’s fast forward.
In February 2019 Pagan became very ill. She wasn’t eating and she was quite sick to her stomach. Throughout that Monday things seem to get better and I thought whatever it was was just a bug that had to work out of her system. Unfortunately in the wee hours after midnight Tuesday morning she was crying in pain and being sick to her stomach returned. I made the call to the emergency vet because I just had a feeling that this was something that a specialist was going to need to be part of. I love our vets; but I wanted to cut out any loss of time going between them and VSES ROC. (Veterinary Specialists Emergency Services Rochester New York. I was pretty convinced that whatever she had going on probably meant at the age of 9 she wouldn’t be coming home with me wagging her tail. I feared this might be the end.
You see a Great Dane’s life with us is often much shorter than other smaller breed. The lifespan of a Great Dane in most cases is six to eight years, there are those who get fortunate enough that they have their Danes last nine to twelve. I have yet to get a Dane to ten. When they reach double-digits it’s a big deal and you bet there’s a big party. 
However, when the doctor called even though the diagnosis was bad Pagan was fighting to stay here. She’s like Rocky Balboa, she didn’t hear no bell! Pagan was diagnosed with having colonic torsion. Colonic torsion is the twisting of the colon and it ends up often on the wrong side of the dog’s body. This should not be confused with bloat, which is a turning of the stomach. Colonic torsion is extremely rare and occurs 1 in 15,000 Great Danes. Time is of the essence and I had to make a decision right away whether or not we would have elect to do surgery. I will not say how much the surgery was only that it was in the mid four figures.  I asked the vet what the possible outcomes would be and to do blood work as well as a couple of ditional chest x-rays to make sure that there weren’t any masses of cancer. I made the drive back to the hospital to say good luck to her before surgery. I looked at her and I said crying fight girl fight! Then I kissed her on the forehead and walked away.
The next four hours were agonizing waiting to hear. It was a situation where you wanted to hear later rather than sooner. Getting the call sooner would have meant something had gone terribly wrong and it would be time to say goodbye. When her surgeon called me I couldn’t have hoped for better news. The surgery was a success and Pagan’s colon was able to be tacted successfully to her stomach and abdominal wall. This will prevent future twisting from occurring. Pagan has no sign of cancer in her body, her blood work all looked good. Organ function is good. In fact the surgeon couldn’t believe that Pagan Marie is 9.
After spending a few days in the hospital Pagan was released. She came home wearing the Elizabethan collar cone of shame. In less than 45 minutes of being home she let herself out of the bathroom after flattening the door knob with her teeth. She she also got caught walking on and off the couch. It was a No-No post-surgery. 
And that leads us to today. Its March 11, 2019. She is curled up at my feet, snoring away. 

Keeping Pagan quiet these last two weeks has been challenging. We went to the vet on Friday and she has a clean bill of health. My vet and I are now convinced that Pagan Marie will make it to double digits.  Praying. 
She has been with me through so much. She has been my rock. Thank you to everybody for all the prayers and positive thoughts and good wishes. 
With Love,
Pagan Marie & CJ

Thank you for taking time to pop on over to my blog. Many of you know who I am and as always I appreciate your support. For those that don’t know me my name is CJ Derby. I live in Hilton NY about 1 mile from Lake Ontario. Hence the title of my blog “Just a Lady Near the Lake”.

I honestly don’t know how often I will write or what I’ll even write about. That’s the beauty in something like this. When you blog you can be yourself. Some people are going to love what I write and others not so much.

My goal is to keep you happy and smiling. Well most of the time anyway.

Thanks for being here and sharing this with me. Remember everyone of us has something important to share and say.

All the best!

CJ

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton